salam, buat blogku yang tersayang...it has been awhile since i last logged on..i have always been a 'not-so-fanatic' with this blogging thingy..but i try my best to log in at least once a month so that, it wont just 'evaporate' into thin air...hehehe...this time, i wanted to taLK about something serious...almost a year and a half ago, i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl...it was a miracle...and we, my husband and i were having the best time of our life with our new addition to the family...well, to cut short the story, i noticed that during the berpantang thingy, i noticed that my dandruff on my scalp were getting worst and some of my bodyparts, to be specific on both my knees and elbows have scaly patches on them...at first they were not that obvious...in which resulted in me ignoring them...but as time passed by..these patches never went away..and the 'dandruff' which is actually not just ordinary 'dandruff' was still bugging me...i have to admit..this resulted in me trying to hide this patches..i started to bulk up my clothing just to hide them...and of course..i wear tudung almost all the time...even to sidai baju..(well, memang patut pun kena pakai tudung...aurat). so, i decided to check it out...to a skin expert..a private clinic to be exact...so, when i went there, i thought that..ok..im here in the clinic and im going to get the medications and then..maybe..they will disappear...when i got into the room...of course...i did what im good at...exlaining in details on what is happening to me...and then........................the diagnose was a shocker...I HAVE PSORIASIS.
WHAT IS PSORIASIS? It is an autoimmune disease where it is still a mystery and have i mention that this disease has no CURE??yes, ladies and gentlemen...i have psoriasis....the news was a slap on my face...i am and still in disbelieve feeling.....and trying to crack my head..to find what might have triggered this disease to wake up from years of remission.....to be honest...i am ashame...malu sangat...bukan dengan masyarakat..but to my husband...rasa macam diri dah tak cantik...well, selama nih pun memang aku tak cantik...dahla bertubuh gempal...walaupun comel...hehehe...tapi i know that..maybe deep in him, he may has an imaginary wife who is beautiful..ntahla...aku tak tau pun macamana...apa yang dia pikir...aku rasa la...rasa macam kesian sangat kat dia sebab dapat aku yang tak sempurna nih...dahla tuh...berpenyakit lak tuh..kalu penyakit ni, sakit kat dalam2 je ker...mungkin aku tak rasa macamni...tapi sebab this disease will cause the skin of the person to be macam bersisik...macam sakit kulit...orang tak tahu macamana penyakit ni...ia cuma penyakit yang diturunkan dalam darah..dalam erti kata lain..ianya adalah keturunan...dan tak berjangkit melalui sentuhan..malah bukan disebabkan oleh hygiene pun..it just happen...anytime and anywhere....ntahla...aku sebenarnya takut suami aku tak sayang kat aku lagi...aku nak dia tengok aku dalam keadaan tanpa yang buruk ni....hai, aku nih sebenarnya adalah seorang yang optimis..aku redha bahawa Allah nak uji aku..dan aku terima sekiranya inilah caranya jika Allah nak aku menutup aurat mengikut cara yang betul...aku redha...suami aku pun suka kalu aku pelihara aurat aku...but aku tak bleh nak lari dari perasaan insecure nih...aku tak nak suami aku rasa jijik ngan aku...setakat ni, dia memang baik...tak pernah berubah sikitpun dalam perhubungan kami...malah hubungan suami isteri kami masih lagi rancak macam dulu...but i just cant help this feeling...ya Allah...tolonglah.......
